With every new book I publish, I tell myself that it will get easier.
It doesn’t.
As I prepare to release my fifteenth book, Camera on His Shoulder, the excitement and the fear sit together inside me — just as they did when my very first book was launched.
The excitement is obvious. This book is my new baby. Something that existed only in thought, then in scattered notes, then in long nights of writing — is finally ready to see the light of day. There is nothing quite like that feeling. Holding a finished manuscript and knowing that soon it will live in someone else’s hands is a quiet kind of magic.
But alongside that magic comes fear.
And every indie author will understand this one.
No matter how many times you have gone through your manuscript, the questions linger: Have I missed something? Is there a glaring mistake hiding somewhere in those pages? Will a reader catch an error that slipped past me during one of the hundred revisions?
Eight drafts later, countless revisions, and yet the feeling remains the same.
When you are independently publishing, fear is part of the process. Not because you lack confidence in your story — but because you are juggling so many roles at once.
You are the writer (that’s the elementary part — at least compared to what follows). You are the editor, or the one deciding how much editing your budget allows. You handle formatting, separately for different platforms. You coordinate or design the cover. You manage platform placement. And then comes the mighty task of launching and marketing the book (the never ending abyss).
All of this while your mind is still creatively attached to the story.
There is a lot happening inside the head of an indie author.
Limited budgets often mean wearing multiple hats. And when you wear multiple hats, you also carry multiple worries. Every decision rests on you. Every oversight is yours. Every success too.
And yet, that is exactly what makes it thrilling.
For me, at least, it does.
There is immense joy in doing it all yourself. In making changes and iterations instantly when your instinct tells you something needs adjusting, without waiting for approvals or sending emails requesting revisions. There is power in that freedom.
I love the control that independent publishing gives me. I love that I can write in genres I enjoy. I am not confined to trends. I am not limited to a single category. I can experiment. I can pivot. I can follow curiosity wherever it leads.
Fifteen books in, and the excitement and fear remain unchanged.
Maybe that is a good thing.
Perhaps that mix of nerves and anticipation means the work still matters. It still feels alive. It still feels personal.
So here’s to all indie authors who feel the same way, the restless nights, the second-guessing, the quiet pride, the overwhelming joy.
You are not alone.
And maybe that blend of excitement and fear is exactly what keeps us creating.
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